this is our bed.
Let's face it. Those of you that know me know that the picture above is pretty typical. Matthew and I have been married all of 7 1/2 months and we are constantly learning each other. We are different. Matthew loves organization. Everything has a place, and everything should be returned to it's place when not being used. From his tool box, to his closet, everything is in perfect position. And he likes it that way. It's how he functions. His wife on the other hand... is different. Now, though you may want to argue this, I KNOW where everything is...however, it doesn't have a place and when you ask me where it is, it may take me a minute to find it...but I'll repeat...I KNOW where it is.
Because we are different, marriage has been at times very stretching. I misplace things all the time, I misplace Matthew's things all the time and I don't even realize they are misplaced until he goes looking for them.
When we got married, I remember it was about 2 months into our marriage when I had an epic meltdown. That was fun.
For 2 months I had tried to fit into the "perfect wife" role. Matthew and I laugh about this now, but I literally did laundry EVERYDAY. For both of us. Nothing could ever sit in the laundry basket dirty, I loaded and unloaded the dishwasher every chance I got, dusted, vacuumed, picked up my piles of who-knows-what, read blogs on "how to be a good wife", and attempted to tackle the flower beds. By the end of the two months I was exhausted.
I remember at least 3 or 4 times I asked Matthew, "Okay, one more time, I need you to show me how you fold your T-shirts." and for whatever reason, I could NOT, for the LIFE of me, figure out the perfect way to do it. I would fold his T-shirts, put them in his drawer, then I would see Matthew walk in, open his drawer, smile, then take out his T-shirts and refold them. Matthew never said a word, never complained, never seemed bothered, but I felt bothered. I felt like I was a terrible wife that couldn't even fold a T-shirt.
So I would re-ask him, "Babe, one more time...I need to see how you fold your T-shirts."
After 3 or 4 times, Matthew finally asked "Why?, why are you so serious about folding my T-shirts?"
And that's when I lost it. :)
I sat on the bed with crocodile tears telling him how I wanted to serve him and I wanted to be a good wife. I told him that I had tried SO hard to be neat and organized, clean up my piles, do the laundry, do the dishes, etc, and I was worn out. I told him that I felt like I was being a burden because I leave piles of shoes, clothes, anything you can name laying around the house and I knew that he was neat and organized and I didn't want to stress him out. Tears upon tears came rolling down my face as I explained to him that I realized we were different and I was trying my best to fit into the cookie-cutter wife for him.
Matthew sat on the bed the whole time, letting me cry, wiping my tears off my face and then finally said, "Babe, this isn't a surprise to me... I mean, we dated for 10 months...I saw your bedroom...I knew what I was getting into. I proposed to the girl that leaves her car keys in the refrigerator...and you know what? I love it."
Matthew knew what he was getting into. Matthew saw my piles, and my disorganization, and he STILL choose me. He choose ME. Piles and all.
I remember taking a deep breath and feeling like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I remember having a moment where I asked God, okay, then what kind of wife do I need to be? And I remember finding my answer.
Matthew doesn't NEED me to clean the entire house, do laundry everyday or make sure the dishes are spotless. Granted, he appreciates it, but he doesn't NEED it. He's 31 years old. He knows how to run a washing machine and a dishwasher (Thank God). Matthew needs me to be me. He needs my heart to be full and and joyful. He needs me to sing at the top of my lungs in the car even when I don't know the words. He needs me to leave mustaches on my water bottles in the refrigerator just because. He needs me to laugh with him, listen to his ideas, and support him. He needs me to be spontaneous and dress up in my Dalmatian pants for a good laugh. He needs me to be the person that God created me to be and not any one else. Psalm 139:13-14 has never sound so sweet to me. Such a cliche verse, but for the first time it finally clicked.
"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made."
The Lord made me to be me. He made me to be spontaneous, to cry at Toy Story 3 (EVERY TIME) and to encourage the people that I love. Whether that's by making them laugh, having a conversation, or just singing to them and making up my own words. It's how I'm made. As a woman, as a friend, as a daughter, and now as a wife.
So. Whatever I need to do to make sure that I am being "me" is what he needs. If that means that I get alone and spend one-on-one time with the Lord, then I do it. If that means I call someone to go get coffee and talk about girl stuff then I do it. If that means that I go and ask someone for advice on how to handle my frustration or emotions then I do it. If that means that I chill out and watch the Kardashians, then I do it. Whatever it takes to make sure that I am not trying to fit into someone else's mold and whatever it takes to make sure that I am being every ounce of "Cecilia" then that's what I do.
I still have my piles. I still leave them all around. Sometimes I pick them up (when I think about it) and sometimes I don't. And you know what? it's okay... the world keeps turning and Matthew loves me just the same.
And for your reading pleasure here are some other domestic shortcuts that I've learned since January 21, 2011
#2. If you don't have time to iron the wrinkles out of your shirt, just use your CHI... works on various fabrics.
#3. If you don't have time to mess with "hand wash only" items, just throw em in the jet tub with a little laundry detergent.
