2011 Bachelorette Week 8

(Author: Matthew)

Week eight of the Bachelorette basically began the same way week seven did.  Ashley recounted the laundry list of qualities she admired of the remaining bachelors.  We saw our first sign of danger for the Gentleman in this segment when Ashley talked and talked about how physically attracted she was to Ben, Constantine and JP.  When it came time to describe Ames, the only adjective she seemed to be able to remember was “unique.”  Ah oh.

The first hometown date took us to Cumming, GA where Constantine did a convincing impression of a guy in a park excited to see a girl who he was actually dating.  Did anyone else think it was fishy that Constantine suddenly discovered words this week?  Where was this guy in weeks one through seven?  Baffling.  

Constantine is Greek.  His parents (Dimitri and Elleni) have Greek names.  When he shared these names with Ashley she bit her upper lip and stared back at him like she was being forced to solve a calculus equation.  The date moved from the park to Constantine’s family’s restaurant.  Everything felt pretty scripted here.  The unquestionable highlight for Cecilia and me was when we paused the DVR just long enough to read the alcohol-serving rules, which were posted above the kitchen door (just in case you're wondering, the rules were: "No serving an entire carafe of wine OR an entire pitcher of beer to any party of one.").

The date transitioned from the restaurant to Dimitri and Elleni’s house, where Dimitri took one look at Constantine and proclaimed, “In all his face, I see him happiness.”  He did not share what he thought of Ashley's face, but I'm betting it might have been less profound.  During dinner, Elleni grabbed Ashley and demanded she move to Cumming if the relationship progressed further.  Ashley did some more upper-lip biting and dodged the question as tactfully as she could.  As it always goes, yet another dubious hometown-date parent seemed to have her mind changed by a shaky Bachelorette/Bachelor answer and Elleni and Ashley became friends.  Huh?  The night ended with a giant Greek dance-off and one of Constantine’s male relatives raining dolla, dolla bills y’all on all the females.  Ladies and gentlemen, Greeks in Cumming, GA!

For the next hometown date, we were taken to Chadds Ford, PA to the stately home of The Gentleman.  In Ames’ first fashion disaster of the season, he wore a pair of fluffy blue boxer shorts that marched up his back like one of his family's prized stallions.  Whoops.  At the Ames' family mansion, we met Ames' sister, Serena, who was dynamite.  She sequestered Ashley as quick as she could and led her into the family's indoor pool, which was located in the mansion's east wing.  While she never said it directly, she communicated clearly that Ashley was in no way a suitable wife for her The Gentleman.  Future hometown-date family members should've been taking notes from Serena last night.  She put on a varsity-level clinic of intimidation.  Nice job by you, Serena.

The scene shifted to a picnic that prompted Ames to say, "I'm going to take you...to my favorite tree.  A picnic under a magnolia tree is so romantic...I can't think of anything more romantic in the world."  Ames then played the I-Was-A-Nerd-In-Boarding-School sympathy card, to which Ashley replied "I think we're the same" (no way).  Ames summed up the picnic by saying, "It's best when the ordinary is extraordinary.  There's so much magic in the ordinary."  But would Ames' magic last?

After Ames, Ashley took a trip to Sonoma, CA to meet Ben.  Whether Ben meant to make Ashley nervous was unclear, but it's what he did as soon as they started talking.  He admitted he'd only brought one woman home to meet the fam in the history of his dating life, and for good measure he explained how much pressure Ashley would be under once she walked through his mother's door.  If Ben's mother and sister didn't like her, then they had no future.  Bazinga!  

Unfortunately for us, Ben's mom and sis faked their way through liking her and Ashley made it through yet another hometown date without a single war wound.  So disappointing.  The date did give us a sequence of substance when Ben tearfully confessed he was a bad son after his father died and lamented he should have been around more instead of going into a shell.  His mom stepped up to the plate in a tremendous way, forgave him and told him how proud of him she was for saying it.  The answer is "yes," Cecilia cried during this scene.

On the final hometown date, Ashley traveled to Roslyn, NY to meet JP.  There was some intense hugging, some roller skating, some wine drinking out of Dixie cups, some Ashley fishing for complements (and JP obliging), an awesome mustache appearance (JP's dad), a mother worrying everything was moving too quickly and a couple semi-threatening remarks if Ashley broke her son's heart, and the same mother immediately caving by calling her lovely and precious.  All in all, it was solid waste of 20 minutes.  Let's move on to the rose ceremony.

As soon as Ames' stupid boxer shorts made their debut during the hometown date, I knew he was doomed.  That's not true.  He was doomed long before that, for the reasons mentioned above.  How sweet would it have been if JP would've been sent home?  Ames could have pointed and yelled, "Were you expecting THAT, my friend?!  Were you expecting THAT?!"  Who am I kidding?  Ames is too classy to even think about doing something like that.  He proved as much as he shook, literally shook, Ashley's hand as he exited stage right.  Before departing, Ames gave us three killer quotes.  Here they are in their entirety.  Happy trials, The Gentleman.  

"Its been totally beautiful, and full of the unexpected and even more poetic than I would've ever imagined."

"I feel pretty numb.  I fell in love with someone who did not fall in love with me, and I wonder what it was.  I'm never going to get to know.  I was hoping to spend a lifetime of adventures with this beautiful woman, and now I'm back to sharing a lifetime of adventures with myself, which is...uh...less enticing."

"More than anything, I want to be loved, and I thought I'd found it, but I guess not."

Until next week...